BFN

Hail Mary IUI (#2) = BFN...

What did I learn from this try?

I'm done with IUI's. The after affects of this one were a little too much for me; especially knowing how loooow our chances were.

I'm sick of peeing on sticks. Seriously. I'm done. It's too depressing. I don't even cry anymore...which makes me think I'm numb to it...which scares me even more. I used to think that even if I was told by our nurse that my beta was positive, that I'd still POAS...just to see what a positive would look like. Don't think I will anymore. With my luck, I'd get a faulty test and it'd STILL be negative.

I will never listen to the voicemail at school again. I thought I'd prepared myself this time. I'd taken several HPTs. All negative (see above). I knew my beta would be the same. I tried to listen to Hubby when he said, "We don't know for sure until we know..." (haha..he's so philosophical)... but I did know. I didn't think I had any shred of hope in me. Which is why when I spoke to Helaine the day before, I told her it would be fine to just leave me a message during school. No, she did not need to wait and talk to me in person. So when I saw the message flash on my phone around 2pm, I didn't even hesitate listening to it. Thankfully I was alone in the room, because I was not prepared for the kind words she left me...or the fact that even she sounded tearful. Note to self: stick with the "don't listen to messages until I leave work" plan.

I have an amazing family. I've heard stories...horror stories, really...about IF tearing families apart. Though I would have liked to say that I KNEW my family would not be this type of statistic, I really tried not to put any expectations on anyone. There are no words to describe how much they've blown me away with their love and unconditional support. Are there times when I still get the good 'ol, "You just need to relax"... Yup, I do...but they're human. I guess it's just a natural response. Hubby and I both have huge families and (me personally) don't get to see a lot of them very often. I can't even put into words how comforting it is to know that even though they don't see me every weekend for family dinner...they haven't "forgotten" about what we're dealing with and working towards. Even though they've never experienced IF themselves, they're really trying to understand what we're going through; supporting us with quick emails on the "big days" and phone calls/texts to tell us they're thinking of us. (My favorite text of the week: "Make sure you tell this kid what you had to go thru to have him..." - sent from my older brother. Amen!)

I am truly married to my best friend. No explanation needed.